Excalibur JK03 User manual

OPERATING MANUAL
Model No. JK03
JK03-A
Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine
Excalibur
Electronics
www.ExcaliburElectronics.com

Congratulations on your purchase of Excalibur
Electronics’ Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine. When
properly loaded with the Joke Cartridge that accompa-
nies it, Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine is sure to make you and
anyone within earshot convulse with laughter at the mere touch
of a button. On second thought, perhaps you’ll just smile ...
reactions vary due to each individual’s moods, sense of humor,
and whether or not the person understands English.
The enclosed Jackie’s Joke Cartridge holds over 100 jokes.
Other cartridges, all chock full of Jackie’s great jokes ranging
from very mild to extremely wild, are also available at
www.ExcaliburElectronics.com. Not only will you have hours
of fun playing with this gadget, but you’ll wind up with many
new jokes in your personal arsenal for telling at parties, busi-
ness meetings, or at (not to be redundant) tense family gather-
ings.
Your Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine is easy to use, but be sure
to use it safely. Please do not attempt to eat it, or use it for a
parachute. Before you start pushing the TOUCH ME button
located on the top of Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine (see the
photo in this manual for assistance in locating this very impor-
tant thingee) and having the time of your life, please read this
manual thoroughly, especially noting safety, care, and battery
information. Keep this manual for reference. Should you
choose to carry it with you wherever you go, the individual
pages can be folded up and jammed under the legs of rickety
tables in restaurants and bars to steady them. This may take a
few tries before the correct height is attained.
Remember, safety is nothing to laugh at. But this gadget is.
Please do not mix them up.
INSTALLING THE BATTERIES
Your Jackie’s Talking Joke
Machine requires three AA batter-
ies. We decided not to include them.
I voted yes, but I was outnumbered.
Friend, if it were up to me, you’d be
listening to the jokes by now. But,
no, the powers that be have spoken:
“Let them fetch the three AA batter-
ies their own selves.” But not to
worry, you can purchase them in
any store where AA batteries are
sold.
To install the batteries, turn Jackie’s
Talking Joke Machine over so that
the unit is face-down on a soft sur-
face. Please be gentle ... you don’t
want it to get a boo-boo. Find the
battery compartment on the back of
the unit (because that’s where we
put it). Use a small Phillips screw-
driver to remove the screw. (Who
was this guy “Phillips,” anyway?
Why doesn’t anybody get the credit
for the “regular” screwdriver? Or
was it a guy named “Regular”?)
Lift off the battery compartment lid.
Install the batteries, making sure to
match polarity (+ and -).
After you’ve tucked them in, place
the tab of the battery compartment
lid back in its slot, say goodnight,
and then close the compartment
door. Wonder out loud, “Did I put
them in right?” Replace the screw
and gently tighten it. Do your laun-
dry. Balance your checkbook. Eat
The legendary King Arthur bran-
dished a magic sword, Excalibur, from
which we take our company name.
With this unique weapon in his hands, he
could not be vanquished.
Although Excalibur Electronics can’t
claim the magical secrets of Merlin,
King Arthur’s court wizard, some-
times our patented technology may
make it seem as if we could. Jackie’s
Talking Joke Machine is another
unmatched innovation of Excalibur
Electronics.
We make you think.
3

After inserting new batteries, please
press the RESET button on the back
of Jackie’s Talking Joke Machine
with anything pointed that will fit
through the little hole. Then press
the TOUCH ME button to turn the
unit on. You’re almost sure to
notice the LED to the left of the
button lighting up with a red glow.
Then press the TOUCH ME button
again to play the first joke.
To replace Jackie’s Joke Cartridge
(located in the back of this gizmo),
place your thumb on the raised sur-
faces and then pull your thumb
toward the edge of the gadget until
the cartridge is fully removed from
the slot. Once you’ve accomplished
that, you’re a full half-way through
replacing Jackie’s Joke Cartridge.
Now …
Please insert a different Jackie’s
Joke Cartridge in the slot (or the
same cartridge, should you change
your mind or chicken out), with the
raised surfaces on the outside of the
unit and slide it back in place. Press
the RESET button and then press the
TOUCH ME button to turn the unit
on. The LED light will magically
glow red. Press the TOUCH ME but-
ton to play the first joke. Laugh at
the joke.
To play the jokes in order, press the
RESET button, the TOUCH ME button
and then the VOLUMEt/NORMAL
button. You will then hear a “Beep,
beep” sound. Then press the TOUCH
ME button. Each of the more than
100 jokes will play in order before
a joke is repeated. Press the REPEAT
button to replay the last joke.
To play a joke at random, press the
RESET button, the TOUCH ME button
and then the VOLUMEs/RANDOM
button. You will then hear a “Beep”
sound. Then press the TOUCH ME
button. Each of the more than 100
jokes will play randomly before a
joke is repeated. Press the REPEAT
button to replay the last joke.
You may only adjust the volume of
the unit while a joke is being played
(that was harsh, eh?). So, should
you decide a change is needed,
please decide which way you want
to go, and then, after a joke starts,
quickly press the VOLUMEs/RAN-
DOM button to raise the volume, or
the VOLUMEt/NORMAL button to
lower the volume. Press the REPEAT
button to replay the last joke you
heard.
AUTO POWER OFF
If no key is pressed for three min-
utes, Jackie’s Talking Joke
5
TOUCH ME:Press this button to play
a joke.
VOLUMEs/RANDOM:Press this but-
ton to either raise the volume or to
play the jokes at random.
VOLUMEt/NORMAL:Press this but-
ton to either lower the volume or to
play the jokes in order.
REPEAT:Press this button to replay
the last joke you heard.
RESET:Located on the back of the
unit. If your Jackie’s Talking Joke
Machine locks up or malfunctions,
please use a ballpoint pen** to
press RESET. Also press RESET after
inserting new batteries.
** The name “ballpoint pen” is
used with the special permission of
The Billionaire’s Club.
BUTTON FUNCTIONS
USING YOUR TALKING JOKE MACHINE
RESET
(on back of unit)
REPEAT
VOLUME
t/NORMAL
TOUCH ME
VOLUME
s/RANDOM
4
LAYOUT OF JACKIE’S TALKING JOKE MACHINE

Machine, feeling neglected and
sensing its self-esteem briskly erod-
ing, will automatically turn off to
spare its batteries. Working in per-
fect concert, the glowing red light
will also go off.
Please press the TOUCH ME button
to wake the unit up. If that doesn’t
work, throw a cold glass of water in
its face. (Just kidding ... that would
violate our very, very important
special care do-not-destruct instruc-
tions.) Press the REPEAT button to
replay the last joke played.
Due to continuing improvements, actual
product may differ slightly from the
product described herein. Who knows,
it could even get better. That is, if Jackie
could just get funnier.
•CAUTION: Batteries should be
removed and replaced by adults
only.
• Your Joke Machine requires
three AA batteries, not included.
• Do not mix alkaline, standard
(carbon-zinc) or rechargeable
(nickel-cadmium) batteries.
• Do not mix old and new batter-
ies.
• Do not use rechargeable batter-
ies.
• Remove exhausted batteries
from the unit.
• Do not short circuit battery ter-
minals.
• Remove batteries and store them
in a cool, dry place when not in
use.
• To avoid explosion or leakage,
do not dispose of batteries in a
fire or attempt to recharge alka-
line or other non-rechargeable
batteries.
• Install batteries so that the
polarity (+ and -) matches the
diagram in the battery compart-
ment.
• Use only batteries of the same
BATTERY INFORMATION
SPECIAL CARE &HANDLING
•Avoid rough handling such as
bumping or dropping.
• Avoid moisture and extreme
temperatures. For best results,
use between the temperatures of
39ºF and 100ºF (4ºC and 38ºC).
• Clean using only a slightly
damp cloth. Do not use cleaners
with chemical agents.
67
The Joke Machine may lock up due to static
discharge or other electrical disturbances.
If this should happen, use a slim, pointed object to press
the button marked “RESET” on the back of the unit.

We make you think.
LIMITED 90-DAY WARRANTY
EXCALIBUR ELECTRONICS, INC., war-
rants to the original consumer that its prod-
ucts are free from any electrical or mechani-
cal defects for a period of 90 DAYS from the
date of purchase. If any such defect is dis-
covered within the warranty period,
EXCALIBUR ELECTRONICS, INC., will
repair or replace the unit free of charge upon
receipt of the unit, shipped postage prepaid
and insured to the factory address shown at
right.
The warranty covers normal consumer use
and does not cover damage that occurs in
shipment or failure that results from alter-
ations, accident, misuse, abuse, neglect,
wear and tear, inadequate maintenance, com-
mercial use, or unreasonable use of the unit.
Removal of the top panel voids all war-
ranties. This warranty does not cover cost of
repairs made or attempted outside of the fac-
tory.
Any applicable implied warranties, includ-
ing warranties of merchantability and fit-
ness, are hereby limited to 90 DAYS from
the date of purchase. Consequential or inci-
dental damages resulting from a breach of
any applicable express or implied warranties
are hereby excluded. Some states do not
allow limitations on the duration of implied
warranties and do not allow exclusion of
incidental or consequential damages, so the
above limitations and exclusions in these
instances may not apply.
The only authorized service center in the
United States is:
Excalibur Electronics, Inc.
13755 SW 119th Ave
Miami, Florida 33186 U.S.A.
Phone: [phone]
Fax: [phone]
Play games live at:
www.ExcaliburElectronics.com
Ship the unit carefully packed, preferably in
the original carton, and send it prepaid, and
adequately insured. Include a letter, detailing
the complaint and including your daytime
telephone number, inside the shipping car-
ton.
If your warranty has expired and you want
an estimated fee for service, write to the
above address, specifying the model and the
problem.
PLEASE DO NOT SEND
YOUR UNIT WITHOUT
RECEIVING AN ESTIMATE FOR
SERVICING. WE CANNOT
STORE YOUR UNIT!